New York, New York - Alec Baldwin and his family's new reality show The Baldwins has shed new light on the aftermath of the actor's fatal shooting of a camerawoman while on the set of his film Rust.

Formerly a celebrated Hollywood star, things have been quiet around the now 66-year-old since that fateful day in October 2021 – at least in terms of his acting career.

But the tragic events have not left him, his wife Hilaria, and their seven kids unscathed in their private lives.

"This has been just surreal," he told his wife in the first episode of the series.

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"I mean, I can't even believe that we're going through this, and I always feel more in pain about you than me, because I think to myself, well, you know, I'm going to try to my best to just get through it, and I think what it's done to you and how much it's hurt you and everything."

Hilaria shared text messages from her husband in which he wrote that he wanted to kill himself the day after the accident, she explains in the second episode.

On the show, the 41-year-old Hilaria reveals that her husband fell into a deep depression after he accidentally shot camerawoman Halyna Hutchins with a loaded prop gun during the filming of the Western film Rust.

Last July, the trial against Baldwin was dropped because evidence was allegedly withheld from the defense.

The family of the deceased and their legal team – Gloria Allred as well as John Carpenter, Carlos Hernandez, and Alina Vulic at Carpenter & Zuckerman (CZ Law) – have announced their intention to reopen the case, with Allred accusing Alec Baldwin of "monetizing" the situation with his new reality show.

The actor's entertainment career has been virtually on hold since the tragic incident.

"Everyone who is close to Alec has seen his mental health decline," said Hilaria, who noted that his OCD has worsened.

"He was diagnosed with PTSD, and he says in his darkest moments, 'If an accident had to have happened this day, why am I still here? Why couldn't it have been me?'"

Beyond "survivor's guilt," his physical health has also suffered, with talk of heart problems, fainting spells, and hospital stays on the show.

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It wasn't always easy, but Hilaria still believes they have overcome the worst of it.

"The best that we can do is do our best and try to make our kids happy, and so that's what we're doing," she said.

"Life will forever be different... We are going to feel and carry this pain forever. This will be a part of our family story."

"This past year was just terrible. There were times I'd lay in bed. I'd go, 'Wow, my kids. I can't get up.' That's not like me. I'm not like that at all, not in any way am I like that. Never," he said in his confessional, adding that he feels "happier when I'm asleep than when I'm awake."

The Baldwins has been airing on TLC since February 23.

If you or someone you know needs help, please contact the 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Hotline by calling or texting 988 for free and confidential support. You can also text "HOME" to 741741 anytime for the Crisis Text Line and access to live, trained crisis counselors.